The Love of a Father

Today, is a very diappointing day but I am happy and very much overwhelmed of all the things happening to me. I am really touched with my dad. lately, i felt his love as a Father and as a good friend. i am not so close with my dad for i am a mama's boy since i was young. i was not able to talk to him that much because i am always afraid that i'll make some stupid things in front of him. even when eating together, i don't talk that much unless when asked. i have received enough bad things (demerits) from him since i was young that make me move away from him or keep distance. There is a great gap between the two of us which i believe will take a long time to be reconciled. he don't talk that much too. He don't like my "kengkoy" personality for sometimes i exceed beyond my limitations. Most of the time, i just tell him what i feel through letters. Letters that are part of the co-curricular activities (RHGP) in school when i was in high school. it's already three years ago since i last wrote a letter and tell him some private matters. there are lot of opportunities to write again to him, birthdays, father's day, christmas, new year, end of school days, sunday mass, etc. Sometimes, i wonder if i am only an adopted child because i've never felt so much love from him since my lil brother came when i was only three years old. but i was indeed wrong of what i all think. My dad loves me. so much that he is ready to give his life not only for us but for our family. He works even if he doesn't feel good. Now, i am so much thankful that he is my Father. Now, i truly understand why he spank me in my butt during my elementary days, why he have slapped me when i first came home late without telling them that i'll be late when i was in high school, why he pick me up in school during late hours and all. it's a late realization for my age to only realize that what he is thinking is my own safety. he have give me what i wished for, independence. i am quite happy but i miss the times. it's already two weeks since feel that my health status is not already normal. being a nurse, i am too paranoid that all the possible diseases that i feel from all the signs and symptomes that i experience. one of which is coughing out with blood (hemoptysis), a long term non productive cough (treated with meds but the bacteria/virus is resitant). it took me a long time before i told them what i experiences. i had a minimal PTB (pulmonary tuberculosis) when i was young (almost 60% of all child suffered from this) and i had a one year medication taking drugs to improve my health status. i also have a heart disease where we all know is really life threatening. you'll never know when you will die. and lately, My dad is the one who offered the invite to consult a physician. we went to Makati Medical Hospital where we found out that i have a chronic obstructive pumonary disease. i have asthma. i have inherited it from my grandpa from my mother's side. i was also diagnosed for having a community acquired pneumonia. my case is severe to think that i have asthma, viral pneumonia, heart disease. now, i have to undergo empirical therapy and take a lot of drugs as medication. the drugs given are all expensive that my dad spend 500 pesos ($10 USD) only for my one day medication. i have to undergo empirical therapy for a long period. i really hope to get better not only for my own sake but also because of all the expenses we need to comply. Rainy season have already started here in the Philippines and just last day, my umbrella that i bought a year ago can't be opened for unknown reason. I used the big umbrella of our angel (yaya) to go to school because i can't use my brother and sisters umbrella because they will also go to school. my dad have gone to office early so he cannot send me to the university where i used to attend. two days after, my dad bought me an umbrella which he did for the frst time. i was touched even if you say it's a simple thing, i'm still touched. now, i am taking care of my umbrella.  I realized a thing, if you will think of the things you don't have, you have nothing. but if you will think of the things you have, you have everything. i am the luckiest son in the world because he is my dad and his son is me. i owe God a lot especially for sending me to the perfect dad in the world...

 

P.S.:

God accepted my kengkoy attitude and we now also talk a lot. i also found out that we have same likes. they say: Like father, like son...

3 days ago, an accident happened. it made me realize that i really know nothing. i am still not knowledgeable to mentally fit in into the world i chose. physically, i still don't fit in. Professionally speaking, what i can only do during my clinical exposures is only to build up a therapeutic communication and providing confidentiality  at times. I am still not effective enough to be called as a globally competetive nurse in the future. yes, it's not always to be about competetion or so on. it's only a term to that will give you enough knowledge and strength to get all the necessary informations to correctly diagnose a patient. with the correct diagnosis, your part as a nurse is already starting. you need to show now how effective you are as a nurse by implementing your independent nursing interventions. when you say independent nursing interventions, it means independently doing your care and actions without the order or informing the physician. A lack of information about the client's condition (taken from health history and physical assessment) would even mean death esp. when client has a deficient knowledge about his condition.  Now, let's go on to the real thing. "Experience is still the best teacher." I was outside the nursing arts lab with my other classmates understanding a procedure to be performed one by one inside. i am there outside sitting with a girl friend next me. we were talking when i asked her to listen to me if i'll be able to tell all the procedures in order with the correct rationale (the reason why you need to do a certain procedure) when in less than 2 minutes i experienced the following:

1. difficulty of breathing (DOB)

2. chest pain

3. headache

4. numbness of hand to general numbness of all body parts

5. decrease in level of consciousness

6. locking of jaw

7. malaise

 

i am talking to her telling all the procedure in order when i experienced DOB. i laughed at it and told it her about it but i ignored it for it is normal in my case. I verbalized, "haha, di ako makahinga. sh*t. haha. wait." i continued the procedure then i lost my consciousness until i found myself inside with my instructor giving a first-aid. it is then when i knew that it's a case of hyperventilation. How stupid i was that i didn't even knew that it is a case of hyperventilation.

 

This is what i know about hyperventilation:

-->Hyperventilation is a sign or probably a cause of respiratory acidosis. it is an imbalance between the level of oxygen and carbon dioxide inside our body. there is greater concentration in the level of Oxygen than of carbon dioxide. If carbon dioxide is greater than oxygen supply, it is now called hypoventilation. Hypoventilation is a sign and probably a cause of respiratory alkalosis. the bicarbonate level perhaps does not cooperate to level the two.

How can we give first aid when hyperventilation occur?

--> Get a clean plastic bag then breath there. do mouth brething instead of breathing in nose. place the plastic in nose and mouth then secure it to ensure that the client is breathing the plastic. habe the client breath slowly

Why breath in a plastic bag?

--> this is for you to take carbon dioxide instead of oxygen. with that, the level of carbon dioxide and oxygen will level.

When do we stop the procedure?

--> when all the signs and symptoms were gone. especially the numbness of all body parts. slowly while in the procedure, it will lower down. level of consciousness will be regained then all will follow.

What do we do after?

--> keep the client relaxed. have the client sit for greater lung expansion but be informed to ask the client to breath slowly even after removing the plastic bag. have the client stay where he is currently staying. then assess vital signs. haha. Vital signs includes taking of temperature (but not necessary in this case), respiratory rate, pulse rate, and blood pressure.

 

i guess, so much for that. i'll tell another experience the next time i post an entry. the experience i'll post after this happened first before this.

Special Thanks to:

Ms. Ailene Arellano and

Ms. Rea Madelyn Lopez who brought me inside to be given first aid

and to:

Ms. Jacquelou Javier, RN,  for giving me the first aid.

 

Thank God i'm ok now.

but before i start with the special entry, I would just like to thank all those people who really supported me  in last week's poll. haha. but actually, i really feel guilty for having the 2nd spot which is 20% of the total votes. guilty because i rarely write proper entries. Most of the time it's all about how i really feel that i guess changed your impression. and it's only me din who post entries once in a blue moon while most of them were able to create and make proper entries almost everyday. they are all talking with sense. with humor. their entries make most of the people laugh and continue reading. while mine is something very plain and usual. i have a lot of time at night to share stories of my life but i usually hesitate write and post it down. most of them are at the back of my notebook where they are left open-ended. what i know and what is in my mind is that i really don't deserve the spot. anyways, many people (especially those i meet everyday - my college friends) opened my mind to a lot of things. many of them gave me the right words when i really feel weak and alone. Recently, i've been so poetic that there are instances that i believe i already annoy and irritate someone. i really don't mean to say sorry but i wanted to apologize for all the frowning i've caused to your face.

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I really wanted thank special people in my life. I will not talk about my family for i am always thankful that they are always there for me. twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.  this time i will talk and share you some special people who i really treasure and helped me. First in my list is Ms. Jaymielee Grace Nieto who was able to make me smile. actually, i was touched when she told me that "ui nag-internet ako kagabi. 30 minutes lang. binoto kita (with a smile on face)." What makes it touching is that the day before that is that a thief had stolen her wallet and nothing was left in her pocket. not even a small bill to take her home. and another thing is that they don't have internet at home that she used to rent a pc per hour near their place to avail the use of it. it's so nice that she is there to support me in that friendly competition. It's not actually that thing. it's her being a really good friend. She has a very good heart. Next is Ms. Carolyn Mariano who now happens to be a very good friend of mine. we almost act the same in all kind of situations.  just got to know her  this semester (2006). personally, she really have a good attitude. dunno why we are same because i'm not a good one. haha. she is indeed one of the toughest person i knew. she always give me the right words which makes me feel happy and relieved with all the stress. We are both fan of Oasis. A while ago, just before i got home and create this entry, we were together because i was to lend her some printouts that some something to do with their case which happens to be my self-disease too - the cardiovascular disorders. After that, we watched Superman Returns. haha. 'twas a nice film. the people near our seats makes us laugh. got a beautiful lady at my side but didn't asked for her name. haha. i bought some black pens too because ma pen doesn't function good anymore. i spent a dollar and a half for two pens. it's a cheap one for two good pens. Calyn always supports me. she also made some campaigns to let her other friends that one of her friend needs help. haha. I wish to get to know her more. sometimes we go out too to take merienda. haha. But now, most of the time it's Ai. Ai, burger tayo, aight Carmel? haha. Third in my list is Ms. Karen Kate Galman who asked me last night about a lot 'a things. haha. that's when i proved to myself that she is indeed a blessing to all those who'll become her friend. Now she calls me Nube. I call her Matt then. haha. Do i have to explain why i call her Matt? haha. Never mind. She is concerned with all things especially when it comes to her friends. Academically, she's hella good too. It maybe because science plus nursing isn't just really my field. haha. yabang ku. haha. Anyways, i'm good naman in building therapeutic communication and interventions with my clients. but she's better. haha. she's good in both concepts and applications. me? it's only application lah. Haha, by the way, she also supports me when it comes to voting. she also keep me updated when it comes to standing. haha. Ok, let's now move to the last in my list, the one i consider as one of my best friends, Mr. Vanzon Dizon. a very nice person. he is one of the first few people who knew the real story behind what really happened. He has a lot of ideas in his mind so let him talk to know his brighter side. his ideas are great and can save the lives of many. haha. just got to know him more last April when the summer classes had opened. he wants to prove somethinfg to the world especially to his Father. that's what i remember when we made a short essay when we were in 1st year. when he started talking, i am sure you'll also listen too. because all of us stop our own businesses when he started talking because his logical ideas are amazing. haha, yeah. thanks man for supporting me too. haha.

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The Special Entry

now, here's the special entry that i promised. i hope that i will be able to deliver this  good. I also hope that i will be able to make this pretty interesting. It is name "Special Entry" because two people requested to be introduced here. haha. I am actually planning to create an entry for this two good people in my life before they really asked for one. They don't want to feel like a stranger whenever they visit my blog that is why. haha. Are you now ready to meet them? Check this out!

Meet my kuya(brother), Mr. Landung Subiarto. This is very puzzling because he is not actually related to me even in blood line except for the fact that we are both son of God. I am a Filipino and he is Indonesian. I am a Christian and he is a Moslem. but even though, we used to understand each other. He is very gifted with wisdom. I remember a line from my kuya, "Remember kiddo, a good luck is no free. you have to worked hard for it." Another line is this one "Life is beautiful. there are bad things happening in life but you have to do the different thing. Learn to do good to others for that's what is right." we always talk about a lot a things and we enjoy spending hours together. haha. but in friendship, there will be some misunderstanding. just recently i disappointed him and i really feel bad about it. then when we talked again, we are trying to point out the same thing but it's just that i was not able tell my point exactly. it's my fault i know. haha. i want him to know that i really feel sorry about it. he also introduced me a lot a things. ei, by the end of August, it'll be a year since we first met. 'twas October 30 when i called him Kuya. haha. Got a sharp memory huh? haha, not really. His points are really good enough for the sake of the world. I admire his spirituality not as a Moslem but as a person. He always remember to thank the one up there and even with the busy schedule (FYI, he is an architect and the man behind wonderful designs of LGE), he stop doing those then give some time to meditate and talk to the one up there. He knows himself right that's why his decisions in life are leading him to the right path. a very good man with a very good heart. that's my kuya. wanna see him? get ready. fasten your sitbelts. :)

doesn't he look good as me? haha. but i guess i look better! XD

 

The last person that i will let you all know is Ms. ____________________

beautiful, isn't she? hands and lips off pls. lol. XD

hi! what an angelic face isn't it? d'ya know her? well, it's really my pleasure to introduce this very wonderful lady. This girl, one of the most important girl in my life is Ms. Grechelle Ann Silvestre. whew, i am so much speechless. dunno. i met her last october. dunno if it was 6th o' October when ma bestfriend asked me to join a cheezy clan. haha. i joined because the one invited me is ma bestfriend, but if now, definitely i'll refuse because i'm not into that. there are a lot a things to do better than that. Anyways, i call her Xandy. because that's how she introduced herself. She hiddenly call me cedric. haha. dunno. not sure. it's just my instinct feeling.didn't noticed her until the day of my birthday, 13th o' November. that's the time i really got to know her. she have a very good heart, indeed, she also makes me happy. she's so special that sometimes i got to talk to her even in the wee hours of the night. we got to talk about a lot a things until the 26th o' the same month when i first called her. didn't talk so much. i just found myself laughing for that single call. 3 months to go and it'll be a year since i met her. wow! thats cool! i always make her laugh, and cry i guess. dunno, sometimes i let myself so dumb especially when i don't wanna hurt the person. and she's one of those. you know, i am so mush in love with this girl that sometimes i really get jealous even if i know i don't have the reason. i know too that she'll go here to read this entry and also her friend.

it'll be a long year pa before i will decide to get married. probably 10 or more years before i face the woman i wish to marry. i wish to her with me in front of the altar. haha. it's with her if she can wait that long. haha. as if. i am just too immature to fit her. but you know guys, i am so happy happy i really met her. for now, i wanna make my parents smile and fulfill what they want for me then after that it's my time. i wish to do a lot a things. not for me, but for my motherland. that's the reason behind the 10 years or more. haha. for all the things that will come to me, i will always be thankful for i know that that's God's plan.

 

Phrase of the day:

"pls wait."

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sampung araw na pala ang nakakalipas mula ng iwan mo ako. eto, nag-iisa. marami na rin ang nagbago. Bugok na ako. Luko luko. parang sira. Umaabsent na rin ako ng walang dahilan may may ipresent akong case report. kapag nawala naman ako sa mood nagcucutting classes na rin ako. Sinubukan kong aliwin ang sarili ko pero di pa rin kita makalimutan. mahal pa rin pala kita. Nakakalungkot pa ring isipin na kelangang umabot sa ganito ang lahat. Akala ko magiging madali lang ang lahat. Di pala. Akala ko ikaw na ang pinakamagandang nangyari sa buhay ko. Kagabi nagtext ka. Nagulat ako. Sabi ko, "Hey, how's life going?" nakakalungkot isipin kung bakit ang gara ng sagot mo. Bakit naman kinailangan pang ganun ang isagot mo. pwede namang walang ganun. Sana niloko mo na lang ako sa sagot mo para naman kahit papano gumaan lang naman ang loob ko. siguro nga talagang ganun. Nagawa ko pa rin magreply pero sa sagot mo mas lalong nawasak ang puso ko. Nakakamatay pala ang selos. Di na ako nagreply kasi di ko na naman alam kung ano sasabihin ko. Naisip ko gutom lang yun. Nakain ko na ang lahat ng laman ng rice cooker pero wala pa ring nagbago. I'm tired of this things. sige, buburahin ko na ung mga pictures natin sa phone ko and ung mobile no. mo. ilalagay ko na rin sa bodega ung pictures natin o kaya baka ipasunog ko na lang kay manang  kasi di ko kayang gawin un eh. habang nanonood ako, napansin ko na yun din yung pinapanood ko nung pinaiyak mo ako. sumakit tuloy lalo ang kalooban ko. nahihirapan na ako sa sitwasyon. pero wag ka na mag-alala kasi wala naman akong planong manggulo. sige, paalam na talaga. sana wag mo na rin ako gambalain. pipilitin kong maging masaya sa buhay ko ngayon at alam kong di naman malabo un.

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Ms. Right, wag ka muna magpapakilala ha. Excited na akong makilala ka pero wag muna. Masyado pang maaga. Sana mahintay mo rin ako. aasikasuhin ko lang muna ang pamilya ko tapos ung sarili ko. kung makikilala kita ngaun, natatakot akong baka masaktan kita. Makikipaglaro muna kasi ako. Sige...

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I found an entry. noong September 2005 ko pa sya ginawa. Gusto ko lang sanang ishare and sana magcomment ka para naman di lang ako ang nagshshare.

The Reason

Today is my 2nd time to cut class. 2nd time in my whole life as a student. the first one, i did it just last week. the 2nd is today. whoa. I've been so bad lately. nawalan na rin ako ng drive sa field na pinasukan ko. Actually i just took this up to put a smile in my parents face. i always wanna see them happy because they don't want us to have a miserable life after they pass away. they wanted to make sure that everything will be alright when that time comes. I don't wanna manage our own business that's why i took up something that is far from that nature and nursing is what they want for me as another option. what i really want is to take up philosphy then move to theology to meet God. I remeber what my mum said when we we're young, "Sana magkaroon ako ng anak na pari. Gusto kong magkaroon ng anak na lagi kaming ipagdadasal at gagabay sa amin sa tamang landas. kaya lang mahirap ang daan tungo sa landas na un. Sa isandaang kalalakihang sumubok kumuha ng bokasyon eh maswerte na kung may dalawampung makatapos ng pilosopiya. maswerte naman kung may 15 magpatuloy para kumuha ng teolohiya at maswerte kung may makatapos na 10 para maging pari." I still remember that day. It's not my mum who forced me to like it. It just happened. But i decided to keep that as a secret. I did not tell it to them. Sabi ko, tsaka na. Sige sila muna kasi ayaw ko sila makaramdam ng lungkot. I don't want to fail them. I want to see them happy and fulfilled with what they dreamed me of. i am not that sure rin kasi with what i wanted to be. I'm a man and i do fall in love with a woman. As a preacher kasi, I will not be able to serve two masters at the same time. i have to choose and keep away from temptation. that's when i decided to let go of my dream to be a priest. Sabi ko, maybe this is what God wants me to do. Maybe God wants me to do better than serving him alone. A thought that came in into my mind. I'll save some years of my life to be a missionary nurse. Nakipagdeal ako to take up nursing because of that reason. Not for money and all. It's not a practical choice but an intelligent one. It's not the money that i'm after. It's the service i want to give with the people. It's not going to other country to work and socialize but to stay where i came from and serve my fellow Filipinos. I know three years after i graduate, malabo ung gusto ko mangyari because ipapatapon na ako sa Texas where my family owns a house. I find it hard to live because it's not me that is living. i am controlled by destiny instead of me controlling destiny.  I guess that's life. It's about doing what they want then doing your interests later after a job well done. haha.

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I wish to do a lot of things. I want to take up theatre arts and perform on stage. i want to take up philosophy for my own purpose. i want to see and feel life differently. I want to open up my mind. I wanna get married someday. I wanna have children. 12 children or more.  I wanna be a DJ and be a consultant. I want to face and solve my own problems and fears without nothing to think. I wanna expand horizons. I want to make happiness and joy to the world. I know it's possible. What i need to do is trust myself and maintain the same level of spirit when i felt i love to do those things.

so far so good naman. walang ibang nangyari sa akin kundi ang maghikab at gumawa ng kalokohan. isa akong malukong bata sa eskwela. marahil siguro di ko talaga interes ang gusto kong pag-aralan. haha. ngayon pa ako sinumpong ng katamaran sa pag-aaral ng medisina kung kelan nasa ikatlong taon na ako. pero wala nang atrasan. hayaan mo nang gugulin ko pa ang halos dalawang taon para manatili at mag-aral ng mabuti sa isang unibersidad na inaasahang makakapasa ka sa board exam at magiging isang top natcher. Eto, unang dalawang araw nasa ospital ako para magduty. Night-shift ako kaya medyo masaya na malungkot kapag uwian na kasi mag-isa na lang ako. di ako masaya nuon kasi medyo problemado ako sa isang bagay na kalimutan na natin. nilibang ko ang aking sarili sa pa-aakyat baba sa ospital at pagpapalit ng damit dahil sa isang sterile area ako nagkapwesto. binili ko ang mga utos nila, inumin tubig, curls, at mais. pati na rin ang pancit canton ang noodles na may sabaw na pinabili ng aking clinical instructor.  Nung ikalawang araw ng pananatili sa ospital, para bang fiesta. daming ulam at pagkain kasi un na ang huling pananatili namin sa lugar na iyon. pupunta na kami sa isang medical at surgical ward. and simula ng kalbaryo. kapag naipasa ko ang semestreng ito sa malulupet ng propesor ko sa kinatatakutang unibersidad kung saan ang may mga potensyal lamang ang natitira eh makakahinga na ako ng maluwag. picturan dito picturan doon. wala kaming ibang ginawa kundi ang gumawa ng pose. kami ng kabebe ko eh nagexhibition pa. Gymnastics ang ginawa naming mga pose. haha. puro kalokohan. Maaga kaming pinauwi kasi halos wala na halos pasyente na aktibo ang paglalabor. manonod pa rin daw ung iba kong kaklase ng ending ng jewel in the palace. haha. pumayag naman ang aking propesor. Nalungkot lamang ako dahil akin na ang susunod na case para makakumpleto. kakahinayang. Ikatlong araw, sa unibersidad na ang drama. Alas-diyes kasi ang set up at sa isang AVR para sa isang katamarang subject, ang Bioethics. Ewan ko ba di ko lang siguro feel ang propesor ko. Alas-diyes media ako dumating. trenta minutos akong late. Hindi na ako dapat tanggapin pero dahil sa kakaunti pa lamang kami eh pinalusot na. Sa NAL 2 kasi dapat kami eh bakit napunta sa AVR. Wala ang mang iniwang note duon sa dapat sana eh pagklasehan namin. Napahiya pa tuloy ako (muntik lang naman kasi napasok ako sa isang maling room). Sunod sunod nang dumating ang mga kaklase ko kaya marami ang napagalitan. Nagpasahan na pala ng classcards at reg form oara pirmahan ng guro at patunay na rin na enrolled ka na sa klase niya. Ang malas. Naiwan ko ung akin. Binalak kong manghiram ng isa sa isang kabebe ko kaya lang may tatak itong BIOETHICS. Patunay na para lamang un sa subject nya. wala akong nagawa kundi ang magsubmit ng isang papel na ipinareho ko na lang sa sukat ng isang classcard. Attendance rin kasi. Hanggang ala-una ang drama kaya lahat kami ay nakanganga na lang. Tomguts na rin kasi kami. iba ang pinag-uusapan pero may kinalaman sa Bioethics. Di na ako sumagot kasi baka makaines na naman ako ng propesor eh ibagsak ako. Nanahimik na lang ako. Aba, alas dose na hindi pa tapos ang drama. un pa rin ang topic. Eto lang naman ang gusto kong isagot sana tapos sabay walk out dahil naiirita na ako sa ambience at gusto ko na makita ang outside world. "Ma'am, if you don't mind me talking, I would just like to tell personally that there's no reason of talking about this things because the administration has no decision yet. and if ever we give our points, will it help to change the decision? Everything that we are talking is just between you and us. You've given your points and so us. period. Hope you don't mind and just let me free to get out of this class. thanks." Haha. yan dapat ang isasagot ko kaya lang pinigilan ko ang sarili ko dahil isang matapang na ako na naman ang lilitaw. applause sa classmates at init ng ulo sa propesor kaya napagdesisyunan ko na wag na lang. haha. Nag-intay ako ng pagkakataon. Sa wakas, lumabas ang isa kong classmate para jumingle. si manny packs. kickboxing nga lang ang dating. haha. Sinamantala ko ang pagkakataon habang nag-uusap ang kaklase ko at propesor about thetopic at habang palabas rin si classmate. nagpaalam ako kila bebe at sinabi ko na babalik na lang ako mayang hapon para sa susunod na klase. Sa waka, nakatakas. Paglabas ko, laking gulat ko na marami pa rin pala ang di pumasok. haha. napaaga ako ng isang oras kaysa sa kanila at iyon ang tinatawag na cutting class. Nung hapon, wala lang. nagbotohan lang ng officers at gaguhan to the max na naman ang birit. si diet at tin tin gamosa (di totoong pangalan, bansag lang namin) ang naging presidente at el el presidente. Hari at reyna ng libido. Kami ay nasa mundo lagi ng GOBILandia. Puro kasi kami kalibugan. Ako si Dr. Lust sa aming eskwela. masyado akong kilala sa bansag na yan. Kapag sinusumpong kasi ako eh kalokohan lagi nasa isip ko at pati ung mga ginagaa ko. Dahil doktor nga ako, alam ko kung paano gumawa ng isang therapeutic communication kaya wala pa naman akong nabastos. puro napatawa ko lahat at naging komportable sa akin ang mga nagiging pasyente ko. Di naman ako sex guru dahil marami kami. doctor lang ako. pero kalevel ko si Asia Agcaoili. haha. Hayaan nyo, gagawin ko yan kapag dj na ako at siguradong makikilala ako. di pa nga lang yan sa ngayun. Ikaapat na araw, Medical/Surgical class (Nursing intervention I) ang drama. nasunog ang wetpaks ko sa upuan dahil napanganga ako sa propesor at nanlamig ang kamay ko sa takot na baka matawag para magrecite at magreport on the spot. Natawag naman ako ng isang beses at masayang nakasagot kahit papano. May exam agad nung umaga. Situational ang mga eksena kaya bumagsak ako. kinulang ako ng tatlong puntos para pumasa at makakuha ng 75.0 o 3.0 kahiya hiya dahil yung pinakopya ko ng mga tama kong sagot eh nataasan pa ako. pobreng bata. Kung nakinig lang sana ako eh pumasa sana ako. Mahirap na ang laban pero puno pa rin ng kompetisyon. 70% na ang cut-off para makakuha na 3.0. Ibig sabihin, kelangan mu na makakuha ng 70points sa isang 100-item questions para makapasa. Sa sitwasyon ngaun, di ko na kaya yan. Science na ang labanan. Buhay ang pinag-uusapan at parand di ko na kaya. Friday, walang pasok. Nilibang ko ang sarili ko at nagpunta sa activity center sa makati. gawa ako ng separate entry para sa experience ko dun at ung mga ginawa ko nung freaky Friday. Ngayon ay sabado. walang pasok pero bukas, Sunday. May klase ako 8am -4.0pm. socio-anthropology. ngaun ko lang sya mameet at tignan natin ang resulta. haha. Nagpapauwi ng cotton candy ang kapatid ko kapag Sunday, sana may mabili ako sa may labas ng simbahan. Mura lang kasi doon kaysa sa mall o supermarket. sige...

It's over now. I'm single again. Yesterday was really one of the baddest day. Ngayon kabilang na ako sa tropang singles (Now i belong to singles group). Pero bago ako magbunyi at magpakasaya para mapatunayang kaya ko ang mabuhay kahit wala ka eh gusto muna kitang pasalamatan (But before i try to celebrate and enjoy to prove that i can live even without you, i wanna thank you first) Sosyal, may translation pa no. haha. it's because my girlfriend is of some race and she doesn't understand Tagalog (Filipino) though they live here in my motherland - the Philippines. First i want to say thank you for the happy moments. and also for the bad moments too. I'll definitely miss the times we were together. I'll miss the times i stay in your house to sleep. I'll miss the nights i stay in your room and talk a lot of things at the wee hours of the night. I'll miss talking to someone in full english outside the school campus and over the phone. I'll miss your brother Jae-hee who used to borrow my phone and play all the games there. I'll also miss your loving mum who makes me feel I'm really welcome. I'll miss the day you bring me in the hospital because i was sick. I'll miss the old times. Hey, I'll miss the special sweet and spicy kimchi. Thanks for showing me and letting me know that vegetables are good. I'll miss going to our special places the eat something. I'll miss that korean restaurant in Shangri-La where we used to eat your favorite foods. I'll miss the night life where you are with me hanging in special bars and restaurants. I'll miss treating someone very much that nothing is left in my pocket that i have to work in my dad's office in alabang to earn some extra money. i'll miss talking to someone very openly that i keep no secrets and all. I'll miss the way you laugh. For all the things and time i have shared with you, i'm so much happy. I'm happy to meet you in my short life. I'm happy to have you for 10 months. Yeah, I guess my wild ideas to reconcile all things won't work out anymore to bring back our past relationship. I'm still praying for a comeback relationship but i have to leave it that way na. You said it's over. then fine with me. I accept that not simple things that i wish will move to a happy ending. Fool am I. There's no more magic you said and that hurts. But i want to leave it that way now. I guess things have to be that way. I just feel so sad that our plan to singapore next summer will not happen anymore. Now, i pity myself and my innocent poor hands that i used to shoot and punch those hard thick walls in my room. Can't write good anymore. Don't need good penmanship anyway, so it's ok. No more penmanship awards. haha. It's still ok. But i wanna say sorry too. For the times i failed you, for the change of plans to meet up again, for our plans to have some vacation together. For still going to Ilocos and not to Bora last April and for all, I deeply apologize. I'm happy for you. Goddluck. May you have a happy life with him. I congratulate you. I'm happy for you, really. I love you still and so sad that i have to say goodbye now. Now, i have to forget everything. I hope you understand. It'll be hard for me to move on in life thinking of those seet memories we had together that I know can't happen anymore. Bye! I'm happy for you.

*END*

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Tama na ang drama marathon. Papasayahin ko naman kayo. ngayong single na ako, ,alaya na ako at pwede na akong makipag set-up sa isang blind date. haha. pasaway na bata. my heart is broken into pieces na pero sa ngayon gusto kong makahanap ng isang babae na not actually perfect neither close pero ung makakapagpasaya sa puso ko. ung di ako iiwan. ung pangkasal na relasyon na ba. hehe. pero bago yan, eti muna ang mga famous break-up lines sa pinas. Bakit ka nyo? eto, check this out:

1. "I just realized i don't want to be attached." - huh? bakit? kambal ba tayo at ayaw mo nang maging attached?

2. "I'm confused and i need some time to find myself..." - huh? bakit naman time? flashlight na lang tsaka salamin. madilim kasi. Goodluck! sana makita mo sarili mo.

3. "We're too different from each other..." - yeah, lam ko. kasi tao ako tapos ano ka, isa kang... haha

4. "Narealized ko mahal ko pa pala "ex" ko..." - huh? ex? meron ba? Meron pa palang pumatol sayo.

5. "Kung talagang tayo, kahit sang sulok ng mundi eh magtatagpo tayo..." - Huh? kelan pa nagkasulok ang mundo? kaninong teorya yan? Di ka ba nakakita ng globo? at kung sakaling totoo man na may sulok ang mundo eh bakit naman ako sa sulok mag-stay?

6. "I need some space." - huh? kelan mo pa ginustong maging isang astronaut? dapat sinabi mo agad. sana pinaghanda kita ng gamit mo.

7. "Tama na! Ayaw ko na!" Eh di wag! Tama na! Mukha mo!

 

Ngayon, may idea na kayo kung nu isagot kapag sinabi sa inyo ang alin man sa mga nasabing tag line. Ingat lang kayo sa pagpupunchline baka mautot kayo. haha. Tsaka magpraktis ka na ring umilag sa sampal at nagliliparang mga vase. haha. Goddluck sa inyo!